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Přidejte seOut of Water
08. 02. 2008
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Holka_ryba
Some alcoholic stuff in English
Floating in torrent of passion
Another pint for this collection
Sparkling way to have it leisure
to the depth and without pressure
Members of the group "-OH"
None are genders, none is age
Let's sink into something cold
Liquid love and liquid all
Whirling colours of the sea
Absinth, vodka, Hennessy
Broken limits by the wave
Smoke me moistly till my grave
Scaly beauty, clink a glass
schwimm zum Körper und hab Spaß
Intoxicantly kiss your daughter
if you're not too out of water
1 názor
"Some alcoholic stuff in English" - and German.
I liked to read it, as I am fluent in both. But still - as I've previously said - I have this funny feeling that you might be quite well acquainted with both German and English but not on the native-speaker-level.
I will not try to make any linguistic suggestions because they would not be perfect either. But I still strongly recommend to you to join some English or German literary platforms where there might be someone able to help you to do something about your style. Even to me there are quite clear mistakes in your poetry.
You simply can not have a good feedback in Pismak, so please do not be surprised that you find no postings under your work here.